Video Games Controlling Your Teen?

Americans spent more than 10 billion dollars in video game equipment last year. Video game sales have now surpassed sales of both music and movies. What that means is that for millions of kids and young adults, playing video games has moved beyond a hobby and into an obsession.

Now, before you label me as anti-fun, hear me out. I find nothing wrong with most videos games. In fact, playing them together with your teen is a great way to connect. But some kids and young adults are being consumed by them, and that’s where the problem lies. For some kids, what was once a fun pastime has quickly turned into an addiction. So where is the balance? If your teenager is obsessed with video games, how can you limit, but not eliminate, their interest?

First, I think it’s important for moms and dads to know why teens are so easily addicted to games.

The Draw of Video Games

Boys love playing video games because they provide challenge and adventure. There’s a sense of accomplishment when they beat a level, achieve a high score or complete a mission. Video games scratch an itch every guy has–to conquer dragons and rescue princesses. What’s more, teenage boys find a sense of value and esteem in playing these games. Even the dorkiest kids can become virtual sports stars, rock stars, cool secret agents or Rambo-like warriors in these games. It’s one thing they can do better than their parents and maybe even their friends, so they relish it. And it’s one place — maybe the only place — where they feel totally in control.

So in order to pull your teen away from the screen, you have to offer them an adventure to take its place. I know this is hard when both parents come home tired at night, or for the single mom working hard to make ends meet. But if all a family does is go to work, go to school, watch TV, sleep and repeat, then your teen is going to say, “life is boring,” and they’ll look for adventure through another means. It might require some changes and rethinking, but it doesn’t take a lot of time to have an adventure with your child. Build something in the garage. Go to the batting cages. Take him to a concert. Go for a night hike. Shoot hoops at the playground. Eat at a new restaurant you’ve never tried before. If you find your home is a boring place, inject some excitement into your family. Get out and live real life.

When It Becomes All Consuming

Playing video games is a good way to spend time with friends. But kids who are addicted will tell you that they started playing video games with their friends, but then moved on to playing online–against people who they don’t even know. In this scenario, gaming moves from a social pastime to a very isolating addiction.How can parents tell if their teen is developing a gaming obsession? The book, Playstation Nation, provides a checklist of traits parents should watch for. Does your child:


  • Play almost every day?
  • Play for extended periods (more than three or four hours at a time)?
  • Play for excitement?
  • Get restless and irritable if he or she can’t play?
  • Sacrifice social and sporting activities to play?
  • Play instead of doing homework?
  • Try in vain to limit playing time?
  • Seem to be losing interest in real-life activities?


If your teen is spending way too much time playing video games, or if the games are affecting their motivation or personality, then it’s time to act. Cut back the number of hours they play daily. Shut down the unit and take away the power cord after a certain hour in the evening. Require that they match the time they play video games with equal amounts of other, more productive, non-digital activities. Anything that takes over a child’s time and attention for many hours every day should be moderated.

Getting It Under Control

Video gaming can be a great way for moms and dads to stay connected with their kids. I’ve played through many a game with my teens and, especially in my son’s case, it has been a great way to connect, compete, communicate, and laugh (because he usually destroyed me quickly). And along the way we’ve created some of those fun bonding moments that are felt and remembered, if never quite defined. But if gaming takes over your kid’s life, it’s time to take action. Here are some quick tips to help get gaming under control:


  • Discourage children from retreating into games when they are stressed or upset. Don’t let a gamepad become that emotional coping mechanism. Talk honestly about challenges and work through them together.
  • Encourage moderation. Set an egg timer. When it goes off, so does the game console.
  • Limit temptations. Move electronic gaming hardware out of your teen’s bedroom and into a common area.
  • Spend time playing together. Take turns, ask questions and keep interaction going so teens won’t disappear into the game environment.
  • Capitalize on your child’s fascination with games to channel energy in a more productive direction. One gamer was challenged by his parents to figure out how his favorite games worked, technologically. Today, he’s a computer wiz who recalls, “I think my first meaningful C++ app came just from trying to get a graphic display of all of the internal components and their capabilities.”

The bottom line is to implement these restrictions for your child, not against them. Tell your kids that you’ll stand beside them through thick and thin, but you’ll stand in front of them when it comes to blocking anything unhealthy, immoral or antisocial that is influencing their life. And that includes controlling their use of video games that might be controlling them.

Mark Gregston

Mark Gregston is the founder and executive director of Heartlight Ministries, a residential counseling facility for adolescents in crisis. He is also a popular radio host and speaker and leads parenting seminars across the country. He and his wife, Jan, have served families and counseled youth for more than 40 years. They have two grown children and four grandchildren.


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