Let’s just be honest, most of us experience the feeling of overwhelm more than we want to admit. There is simply too much stimulation in our world: too much to do, too much noise, too much to see, too many drivers on the road, too many people in Target, etc. Unless you move off the power grid, become self-sufficient, and live your life in isolation, you will consistently experience too much. Sadly, our consistent states of overwhelm are harming us more than we realize.
In her book, Strong Like Water, counselor Aundi Kolber wrote, “Trauma is anything that overwhelms our nervous system’s capacity to cope. Trauma gets stuck in our bodies and must be processed.” Trauma is typically stored as a sensation that makes you uncomfortable when you are confronted with it. For example, the smell of chlorine may make you feel anxious if you witnessed a near drowning. Even if your brain does not recall the memory, your body does. The result of smelling chlorine is an anxious feeling. Moments of overwhelm are stored in the body, which is why our brains are sometimes unable to recognize the difference between past and present. When this happens, our reactions do not appropriately match the situation.
We all function better when our nervous systems are not overwhelmed. You cannot prevent these moments from happening to you or your children. They are simply part of the human experience. However, if you become more aware of how your stored traumas bring out the worst in you, you can proactively create an environment that limits damage to your children’s nervous systems.
Observe yourself. Do you have inappropriate reactions around specific circumstances, smells, locations, times of day, etc? What might be a past moment of overwhelm inhibiting you from handling the present appropriately? Once you identify it, physically work through it. For example, if loud noises bring out the worst in you, sit and listen to annoying music when you are calm and be compassionate with yourself about how difficult this task is to do. When you can do so without being overly annoyed, your body has processed out that overwhelm.
Prioritize repairs. As parents, we all make mistakes. We raise our voices, when we should remain calm. We say things we regret. Our children do not need us to be perfect, but for them to become healthy adults, we must take the time to repair any fractures our mistakes make in our relationship before they become stored traumas in our children’s bodies. When we realize that we made a parenting mistake, we must take the time to repair our connection with our children. This process includes apologizing and taking responsibility, stating our intent to handle things differently, and ensuring that they feel loved, safe, and secure.
Stay active. We process out some overwhelm by simply moving our bodies. You must make sure that you and your children are physically active every day. A great thing to do is combine being active with the repair process. When you dance with your children, create fun obstacle courses, go for family walks, etc. your bodies release oxytocin. Oxytocin aides in the development of healthy attachments by producing feelings of trust and security.
Dr. Beth Long received her education in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Beth has worked in six unique clinical environments across the country and currently owns Works of Wonder Therapy in Montgomery. Beth utilizes the knowledge from a variety of different disciplines to give her patients the best care possible. To learn more visit www.worksofwondertherapy.com.
