We would love to know a little about you and your family.
Ashley: Evan, my husband, and I met while studying at the seminary at Wake Forest University in North Carolina in 2013. We were married by 2015 and have been married for 10 years.
We have two boys — Noah (9) and Nash (7). Both boys were diagnosed early on with AuDHD – a term used to describe individuals who experience both Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Early intervention has been shown to have so many benefits. I know we wouldn’t be where we are today without it.
The boys enjoy watching movies and playing Nintendo Switch or board games with us as a family. They also enjoy building Legos, but that is more of Evan’s forte than mine.
Both of your boys are AuDHD. Is this common?
Ashley: It is not uncommon. There is now a proven genetic component to types of autism and ADHD. Evan and I are likely autistic as well, but we have not sought out an official diagnosis. We have both been officially diagnosed as ADHD recently, so it makes sense that if our brains work differently, our children’s would as well.
Statistically, 1 in 5 children who have an autistic older sibling will also be diagnosed with autism. The more autistic siblings you have, the higher that percentage becomes because it is more likely genetic at that point.
How do their needs differ from one another?
Ashley: As to how their needs compare, as with any children, I feel like it varies from day to day. Most days, Nash is more sensory-seeking, which means he jumps and runs, falls, throws himself against things, likes music, and generally looks for input from the environment around him. Noah, on the other hand, is typically sensory avoidant, meaning he does not like a lot of noise or lights. His movement looks much different from Nash’s.
A challenge most people don’t notice or talk about with special needs parenting is how we have to be so much more aware of our children’s constantly changing needs. My awareness of what’s too much or not enough is often the difference in whether or not the boys can remain somewhere and participate. All parents do it, but special needs parenting takes it to a whole new level. They have done several studies showing the insanely high rates of stress for parents of autistic children, some even going so far as to compare the levels to those of combat soldiers.
How do you prioritize “filling your cup” as a wife and mom?
Ashley: This is something I am still working on improving. Over the past year or two, I have worked to build a close friend group with some other special needs moms, and we make a point to get together at least one night a month to hang out, play games, watch movies or TV shows, etc. We have even taken a few weekend trips now and love our time together. Having this time to be kid-free and just relax is huge for all of us. We also see each other for play dates throughout the month, but we make sure to have at least one kid-free night.
These ladies are such a blessing in my life. Having other moms who get it and don’t judge my parenting or offer unsolicited advice when things start to go sideways is huge. Even on days when the play date just isn’t going to last, there are never any hard feelings about us needing to leave 10 minutes after we arrive or one kid going to his room and locking the door. They get it and don’t judge.
What is one piece of advice you’d like to give other moms who are learning of their child’s autism diagnosis?
Ashley: I would remind them that while it can seem overwhelming in the moment, you have already been parenting this child. This isn’t new; it is just more information and will help you better understand your child. It is okay to grieve that things will probably look different from what you expected, but that doesn’t mean that the alternative is bad. Auburn is full of community and resources to support you as you navigate things. Reach out to the special needs groups available and make use of them. Some moms have been exactly where you are and would love to support you and walk alongside you. Some friends will accept you and your child exactly where you are and as you are. The world is not built for your child, and that is unbelievably hard. Find people who get it, and it will become so much easier.
What is one thing you’d love for your children to remember about you?
Ashley: I want them to remember how much I loved them and how I gave it everything I had to make sure their lives were full and happy. I want to give them all the tools they need to thrive in a world that has not yet considered them. Hopefully, things will continue to change in that regard, though.
Rapid Fire Questions:
- Breakfast or Dinner? Breakfast
- Comfy Night In or Dressy Night Out? Comfy night in
- Early Bird or Night Owl? Night owl
- Sweet or Salty? Sweet
- Favorite holiday? Christmas
Ashley Meyer is a loving wife to Evan and homeschool mama to Noah (9) and Nash (7). To unwind, Ashley enjoys reading before she goes to bed.
Author: Staff
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